Website was Born on 7th August 2011, last evolved 23rd October 2015

This verse is based on an actual incident which took place recently.



The old man was confused, and he just wasn't used

to state troopers bursting into his house.

Kicking in his front door, shouting, "Get on the floor!"

as they manhandled his terrified spouse.



He was told all along he had done nothing wrong,

but he easily got very upset.

He did not understand, that by waving his hand

he was presenting a very real threat.



The state troopers then knew, just what they had to do;

to be certain they would suffer no ill.

They levelled their Tasers; barbs zoomed in like lasers.

They subdued him; but did not mean to kill.



The good news, so they said, was although he was dead,

they had stopped him from any self-harming.

It was widely agreed, that in thought and in deed,

They could not have been any more charming.



For those who prefer their amusement in a more easily digestible form I offer the following imaginary exchange, which was the precursor to the above verse.



"Hold it right there, Sir. No-one is allowed past this tape."

"But, Constable. I've been told my Uncle's dead in there!"

"That's as may be, Sir, but my orders are that nobody gets into the house."

"But he's my Uncle, why can't I get in?"

"Em . . Health & Safety, Sir"

"Health & Safety! What the hell has that got to do with anything?"

"Okay then, Sir. Security."

"Security! But there's only his wife in there. Well, plus half-a-dozen of your lot."

"Listen, Sir, you're beginning to tax my ingenuity. If you're not on your way sharpish, I'll have you under the Public Conveniences . . no, em, under the Public . .er, . . what's that one called where we can arrest anyone who we think might be inclined to cause a bit of bother?"

"The Public Order Act?"

"Oh, well done, Sir! The very one. Anyway, as you pointed out, he's dead, so there's nothing you can do."

"Your lot killed him!"

"I wouldn't put it quite like that, Sir. We managed to prevent him self-harming."

"Yes, you killed him, thereby ensuring that he couldn't harm himself."

"He died of shock, Sir."

"Yes, electric shock. You Tasered him!"

"Now, now, Sir. We mustn't go attempting to pre-empt a coroner's findings, now must we? Why don't you just bugger off and leave it to the professionals."






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